Learning to Love a God I Will Never Understand

A God I Will Never Understand – March 2011?

·         Sometimes I wonder how it is I believe in a God I will never understand

·         A God that sparkles with tear stained crossed fingers and wishbones

·         Like high stakes roulette with no bullets

·         I find myself loving more the memory of a God

·         A God of butterfly wingtip swishes and sweet cheek kisses

·         I can see it, this God of groping toddler fingers and tiger paws

·         Which loves to laugh with the heart broke weeping

·         In moments I find lights without sources

·         Reuniting divorces of faithless tired ones and hopeful twos

·         At other times I fumble broken light bulbs with bleeding fingers

·         Wielding pencils in the dark, ones from which every bit of eraser has been gnawed

·          by hungry children who no longer believe in making mistakes

·         Thanks to a God they will never understand

·         I give praise to the whispers without voices

·         The gentle nudges without elbows

·         And the armless embraces I find in the spaces between forgetting

·         Unquestioning my beating heart is useless restraint

·         Because it always seems to stop when I really listen

·         There is a pause between every breath and gaps in this prayer beaded rope to which I cling

·         “Step inside me and I promise to never understand”

·         I fish for stepping stone in a handstand

·         I walk on bleeding fingers because my feet lost root and fell heavenward

·         I  bleed freely a God I will never understand

·         Splashing crimson on emerald grasses I turn into this

·         I turn from within it, to without

·         Without the desperate clutching of panicked belief I question

·         “Where do I see you, O Invisible One?

·         “I can’t keep whispering silent proofs in crowded churches

·         “Free me from you, O Spirit, and I will find there is nothing else

·         “Please, drop out from me and leave me in my empty

·         “Turn out from me this blood, every drop, and I will beat on

·         “This steady throb will collapse heart chambers and vocal chord

·         “Bleed from me, O Spirit

·         “Teach me of the silence deeper the voiceless whispers

·         “I will clutch to your absence and sing ballads, endless and untold, for your presence again”